There comes a time in an artist’s life when he or she must look at him/herself and say “Self, is kak maar is alright.” (Translation it is shit, but it is alright). You celebrate your four stars and come home to another intimate party. You are told that’s how the festival rolls. Well. Eff that! I did not fly all this way, work hard enough to earn a nod or two from critics and even more from audiences, to accept that you will perform to tiny houses because actually nobody knows who the eff you are. 

I shall hit the streets and give the hard sell another go. If it means I say watch my show to help me pay for nappies, or watch my show to help me pay for my ticket home, or watch my show so you can see how I got those stars…I will do it. I have been to Grahamstown arts festival where you scrounge for an audience, just like this supernova that is Edinburgh, I will not be defeated. Damnit I want bums in those seats, even if i have to stick them there myself. This is some BS man. I am enjoying the lessons, hard and easy because they keep me on my toes, but on this particular day, I am tired of this s**t! I want to talk to a group of people, I want to hear the buzz of numbers in the room before I begin, and I want to see pleasure in the faces of those audiences. I do not want to lose momentum. Tonight, once again, i gave it my all. I wanted that group, no matter how small, to walk out of there feeling like they had a good jol..

These accounts of Ed Fest will not bullshit aspiring comics or anyone planning to attempt the Edinburgh into thinking it is a walk in the park. Yes, it is friggin awesome but you will sweat son. You will sweat. And sometimes it will feel like your sweat ain’t worth spit. You will go to shows that are packed to the rafters and feel like they are on the same level as your show and be disillusioned about how that guy gets that audience and you get what feels like residual audience from another show.

Then once you are done feeling ratty and frustrated like I am, You will shake it off, slip your respective big girl or big boy undies on and carry on. Tonight, I felt like I’d like to get on the next flight back to South Africa. I am a typical extrovert who feeds off the energy of those around me, and the less I connect with people the more I am forced inwards. So you can imagine, this trip is a test on many levels for me. 

You know what though, I’m gonna do it. I am going to finish this race and I will place comfortably among the best. It is who I am. It is what I believe. Chin up, albeit forced up by my hand, but up none the less. 😀